


101 Things Tornado Squad Is Not Allowed To Do In The G.A.R.

by krakenlord



Series: Star Wars: Tornado Squad [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, List Fic, Parody, Skippy's List
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-31 00:56:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3958399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krakenlord/pseuds/krakenlord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hello everyone! Clone trooper Happy here.<br/>Being a clone can get pretty boring sometimes. You have to make your own fun.<br/>I’ve been keeping a list of things that I and my squad-brothers (Cabur, Ricochet, and Deka) have either done and gotten in trouble or commended for, watched another clone do, spontaneously were informed was against the rules, or were minding our own business when something happened.<br/>Enjoy! But you probably shouldn’t try most of these, I have no idea how we’re still alive.<br/>- Happy (CT-10-2115)</p>
            </blockquote>





	101 Things Tornado Squad Is Not Allowed To Do In The G.A.R.

_Hello everyone! Clone trooper Happy here._

_Being a clone can get pretty boring sometimes. You have to make your own fun._

_I’ve been keeping a list of things that I and my squad-brothers (Cabur, Ricochet, and Deka) have either done and gotten in trouble or commended for, watched another clone do,_

_spontaneously were informed was against the rules, or were minding our own business when something happened._

_Enjoy! But you probably shouldn’t try most of these, I have no idea how we’re still alive._

_\- Happy (CT-10-2115)_

 

101 Things Tornado Squad Is Not Allowed To Do In The G.A.R.

  1. Not allowed to reference any prophecy, completed or no.

  2. Not allowed to haze the shinies. Period.

  3. Not allowed to prank the shinies.

    1. Even if they’re really clueless.

    2. Even if they’re really annoying.

  4. Not allowed to show up at the base, wearing part of a Separatist uniform, messily drunk.

    1. Even if our liaison did it.

  5. The General, though she is a Zabrak and therefore is carnivorous, does not eat shinies, and I should not imply that she does.

  6. Not allowed to smuggle wildlife back from planetside deployment.

    1. Even if it's cute and harmless.

    2. Especially not if it's cute and dangerous.

  7. Memes are not acceptable LAAT/I nose art.

  8. All nose art must be approved by the General before being painted on.

  9. Not allowed to loot in order to "claim the spoils of war" after a battle.

  10. Trophy-taking is strongly discouraged.

  11. Not allowed to do something if the thought of doing it makes me laugh for more than fifteen seconds.

  12. I am allowed to paint on the bombs.

    1. I am not allowed to ask Ricochet to help with this.

  13. Anything neon is not an acceptable color for armor accents.

  14. Anything pastel is not an acceptable color for armor accents.

  15. Memes are not acceptable armor accents.

  16. We're genetically altered super soldiers, I cannot claim sick leave for "a bit of a cold."

    1. Nor can I claim sick leave for a paper cut.

  17. Painting the gunship red will not make it go any faster.

  18. Mustn't threaten to keelhaul shinies.

    1. Mustn't actually keelhaul shinies.

  19. Saying "oops, I missed" does not excuse being that bad of a shot.

  20. Night Ops armor is for stealth missions only and we should stop requesting it for every assignment.

  21. Hard rations do not double as projectile rounds and I should stop cramming them in my Verp.

  22. Blaster power cells are not replacements for glow sticks.

  23. I should not teach other clones to say offensive and crude things in Huttese, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.

    1. Not allowed to do this with Mando’a.

    2. Not allowed to do this with Shyriiwook.

  24. Duct tape will not solve all of our problems.

  25. Take that hat off.

  26. "Dazzle" is not appropriate camouflage.

  27. Body paint is not acceptable camouflage.

  28. Not allowed to race hover-trolleys through the hallways.

  29. Not allowed to race droids through the hallways.

  30. Not allowed to race speeder bikes through the hallways.

    1. Not allowed to race anything through the hallways, period.

  31. Not allowed to joust trolleys, droids, speeder bikes, or anything else.

  32. Not allowed to gamble for

    1. Leave time

    2. Armor modifications

    3. Extra rations

    4. Booze of any sort

  33. I cannot "out-sneak" an assassin droid, even if I do have spec ops training.

  34. My proper designation is CT-10-2115, not “Doctor Feelgood”.

  35. Not allowed to play drinking games that involve helmets filled with alcohol.

  36. Not allowed to play drinking games that involve boots and greaves filled with alcohol.

  37. We do not “charge into battle naked like the Gungans”.

  38. The members of Tornado Squad are no longer allowed anywhere near Supply except in emergencies.

  39. Promotions are not earned on the basis of beating a superior officer in a duel to the death, first blood, first to tap out, or ‘last to get caught by the General’

    1. Nor are they won through arm wrestling, drinking the most shots, body count competitions or rock paper scissors.

  40. Playing “chicken” with any of the heavy machinery is strictly forbidden.

  41. Bee grenades are forbidden.

  42. There are many nonverbal languages, but I have better ways to express myself than certain gestures.

  43. Not allowed to impersonate Jango Fett.

  44. Not allowed to pet “the nice doggie.”

    1. Especially if the “doggie” in question is a strill.

  45. Not allowed to purchase anything from Ganya the black market Ewok, no matter how cute she is.

    1. Not allowed to barter or trade with her.

    2. Not allowed to play “Chance” with her.

    3. We're only allowed to talk to Ganya if she has intel for us.

  46. Twi’lek strippers are not an appropriate date to a formal event.

  47. Not allowed to “borrow” a speeder to go on a beer run.

  48. Life Day is celebrated by Wookies, not clones. I am to take the snuggie off.

  49. Not allowed to, after the hangar floors have been waxed, show off my superior skating skills.

  50. I cannot set my blaster to “annoy.”

  51. I cannot set my blaster to “medium well."

  52. Do not dare ARC graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.

  53. Not allowed to switch armor with my brothers to prank the General. We are unique in the Force and she will not be fooled.

  54. Not allowed to switch armor with my brothers to prank Padawans because they can't tell us apart yet.

  55. The proper way to report to the General is “Tornado Squad reporting as ordered, Sir” not “You can’t prove a thing!”

  56. Do not yell “Fire in the hole!” while your squadmates are handling live ordinance, no matter how funny the look on their face.

  57. The phrase ‘Trust me, I’m a doctor’ never leads anywhere good.

    1. Even if I am technically a doctor.

  58. Not allowed to release womp rats in the barracks “for target practice.”

  59. Answering orders with “why?” is not allowed.

  60. Recreational drug use is strictly against the rules.

  61. Not allowed to cut a lock because I’m too lazy to walk back and get the key.

  62. Not allowed to exchange my Deece for a blaster pistols “because it’ll be more fun.”

  63. Not allowed to Exchange my Deece for a bowcaster “because all the cool kids have one.”

  64. Not allowed to exchange my Deece for a Verpine.

    1. Ok, I can, but only if I can find one for my commander too.

  65. Debriefings should not be preceded by shots of any alcoholic beverage.

  66. Debriefings should not be followed by shots of any alcoholic beverage.

  67. Laser chainsaws are not the solution to every question.

  68. Not allowed to skip my watch shift to catch the latest episode of my favorite Coruscanti soap opera.

  69. Not allowed to add an unauthorized helmet mod so I can listen to music/watch said Coruscanti soap opera on my watch shift.

  70. Putting a silencer on any heavy weaponry won’t do a damn thing.

  71. If I don’t know what it is, I’m not allowed to poke it.

  72. If my curiosity gets the better of me and I absolutely have to poke it, I must use a stick at least 10 feet long and provide ample warning.

  73. If my Mandalorian contact and I are working together on a mission, not allowed to “accidentally” join their family group.

  74. Possession of paint rounds is strictly against the rules.

  75. Kill counts are neither required nor encouraged, and I may only brag about mine if it’s truly impressive.

  76. Not allowed to fill my squadmate’s helmets with uj’alayi if they piss me off.

  77. Not allowed to fill my squadmate’s helmets with soup if they piss me off.

  78. Not allowed to abuse medical supplies for any reason.

  79. If my personal firepower exceeds a Star Destroyer, there’s an issue.

  80. Filling the barracks and/or base with traps is definitely not allowed.

  81. Novelty and holiday-themed attire are not to be worn with my armor.

  82. Not allowed to frequent any wretched hives of scum and villainy.

  83. “Y’all check this-here shit out!” is not the proper way to announce that I’m about to blow something up.

  84. Must not refer to the General as “Mom” or any variation thereof.

  85. I was not issued a flamethrower for my own personal amusement.

  86. Gungans are not “good eatin’s.”

  87. Providing Ricochet with a caseful of EMP grenades is irresponsible and I will not do it again.

  88. Flamethrowers aren’t for making popcorn.

    1. Neither are the General’s lightsabers.

  89. The “no keg party” policy is there for a reason.

    1. Cannot get around this policy by inviting the General.

  90. Not allowed to drive the walkers, it will only end badly.

  91. Fires for burning classified documents are just that, not revel fires. I am to stop dancing.

  92. Games of tag lasting longer than 5 hours are to be ended with a draw.

  93. Games of tag involving the entire base/ship/GAR are probably not a good idea.

    1. Especially if the Jedi join in because they will win.

  94. Games of hide-and-seek are strictly prohibited.

  95. Can’t declare war against paperwork, no matter how much we hate it.

  96. Just because something’s technically legal doesn’t mean we should do it.

  97. Cannot make, buy, or otherwise acquire fireworks, for whatever purpose.

  98. Cannot attempt to jump my speeder over anything.

    1. Even if it would look really cool.

  99. Not allowed to assist Deka and Ricochet’s ongoing prank war.

  100. Regulations are actually regulations, not “more like guidelines, anyways.”

  101. “My evil twin did it” is not, and has never been, a valid excuse.



 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! Tornado Squad will hopefully be returning in a proper fic as soon as I get around to writing it!
> 
> Inspired by the original Skippy's List (skippyslist.com/list) and various parodies.


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